Establishing bedtime routines early in a child's life is the best thing you can do to smooth the path to good sleep and easy bedtimes in the future, because once a child knows they can expect a certain thing to happen every day at the same time, they will soon accept it as inevitable.
Find out more about sleep techniques such as 'controlled crying' and 'gradual retreat' here
When the clocks change
The clocks going forward or back can cause some interruptions to baby's sleeping routine. But don't worry - we have some great tips on what to do to help your baby get back into routine - take a look at our advice for when the clocks change
Will a routine help my child?
If you provide your baby with a series of sleep 'cues' - for example, a bath, feed and a cuddle - and you consistently repeat the process at the same time every evening, making it as pleasant and relaxing an experience as possible, your baby will soon start to recognise this as 'bedtime'.
The good news is that you can get going on this putting this positive habit in place almost from the start - certainly after about six to eight weeks.
Where will your baby sleep?
Have a think about sleep location. For example Moses basket: where are you going to put it, can you carry it upstairs. Or is your baby going to sleep in your bed: is the size suitable, is it against a wall, check the duvet and pillows for holes where stuffing might fall out, or buttons which may come loose and fall into the bed. Or is your baby going to sleep in a cot: where will you put it, in your bedroom or the baby's own room, and is it warm enough, and do you need an alarm.
Also think about light - is the room dark at night or lit by a street light. Lined curtains or a blackout blind darken a room and help to signal night time. Have a chair close by so that you can sit in it and cuddle/feed your baby at night. Lighting is also something to consider when you are padding around the room in the middle of the night. So think about having a lamp with a low-wattage bulb.
A bedtime routine suitable for a baby
It doesn't matter too much what you do as part of your little ones bedtime routine - the important thing is that it is calming and that you do the same thing every night, at the same time. For many babies, a bedtime routine starts with a warm bath. 'But make sure it's quick and quiet, not lots of splashing and fun,' warns baby sleep exert Mandy Gurney, director of the Millpond Sleep Clinic and author of Teach Your Child to Sleep, available from Amazon here.
You might want to try a spot of baby massage, giving a feed and a cuddle, and perhaps reading a story, or singing a favourite song. Keep the lights dim and your voice low whilst you're doing all this. It will help your little one to understand that it's night time, not day time. Then put your little one in the cot, say goodnight, and leave the room. Your main aim is to make bedtime a pleasurable and calm experience, and their cot as a place they're happy to be.
The drawback for parents is that the repetitive nature of a bedtime routine can become tedious. You just have to keep reminding yourself that once you've tucked them up, you can creep downstairs, pour a glass of wine, and tune into your favourite TV programme in peace!
Night time sleep associations
Sleep associations are something that experts talk about a lot. They're all the things that children link in their minds to sleep, bed and bedtime, and so if you want those to be problem-free, you have to make sure their sleep associations are positive both during the day when they have a nap and at night.
A relaxing, consistent day and night time routine create a positive sleep association. So does a specific 『cue' that always signals the time for lights-out: for instance, a particular song or phrase such as 『Night night, I love you.' It's all too easy to fall into the trap of bad sleep associations. For instance, if your little one will only fall asleep with you lying down next to him, that's what he associates sleep with and that's what he'll demand each time. That kind of commitment is draining for you, but more importantly, it means that every time he wakes up in the night, he'll need you to settle back to sleep again.
If you want them to stay in their own beds at night, make sure that's where you settle them at bedtime so that they associate their own bed with comfort, security and sleep. A favourite object such as a cuddly toy or a little blanket will usually develop into a pleasant sleep association. But if you want to avoid them becoming reliant on theirs and having to prise it out of their hands when they start school, let them know it's just for bedtime. And make sure it's something you can duplicate if necessary. Otherwise if it goes missing, like a Teddy, you'll be stuffed.
Many children, as they start to get older, feel afraid of the dark. Psychologists think that this might be because the mother switches off the light as she leaves the bedroom and darkness thus becomes associated with feelings of being abandoned. In order to prevent this from happening, you might think of switching the light off before it's time for you to leave the room. You could even potter about in the room tidying things away so that the dark becomes a friendlier place for your baby. Many sleep problems can be avoided by creating positive associations with sleep.
When the bedtime routine changes
Sometimes, just when you think you've got sleeping sussed, something will happen to disrupt whatever positive sleep habits your baby has adopted, such as:
a change of environment illness clocks changing teething separation anxiety.
At times like these, you may simply have to accept that your baby's routine has been blown out of the water and take steps (once things have settled down again) to re-establish the routine. The good news is that if you've had a good sleep routine before, chances are it re-establish quickly
What the experts say
Getting bedtime routines up and running from an early age is key to good bedtimes. They allow the child to learn their own body signals about tiredness and they will have a good idea of what to do about it. I think if the family are happy to spend the evenings together then that's fine, as long as the children are getting enough sleep. Although sometimes it becomes easier to have the children around rather than have to think of something to talk to your partner about, so just be careful if you think that you're slipping into this routine! And keep an eye on how the child seems as a consequence; for example, are they struggling to get up in the morning, always yawning, their schoolwork going downhill? If so, it may be a good idea to establish an earlier bedtime and a routine leading up to it.
Routines are just as important for older children and bedtimes can be modified through discussion with the child themselves. In fact, it's a great area for practising negotiation skills, and giving the child a sense of having some control over the rules. With younger siblings, it just has to be agreed that their bedtime is earlier because they need more sleep.
Dr Angharad Rudkin, child psycologist
A bedtime routine makes settling easier because it introduces the expectation that sleep is approaching, provides familiarity and security, and sets boundaries. If you have a child that's getting out of bed after being settled the first thing to check is whether you've got the routine right, and a consistent bedtime. Are they either overtired or not tired enough? Are you sure you're not rewarding their behaviour? How are you responding when they get out of bed? You have to lead them or send them back to bed quickly and without intervention - this is known as 『rapid return'. Stay firm, but don't get angry, because it doesn't work. Say 『no, we're going back to bed'. You may need to do it several times. Of course, it's not always as simple as that. If it's still not working you'll have to look at using a technique to help them settle. Controlled crying (and we prefer to call it 『controlled checking') and gradual retreat (which is the method we favour most) are the two best known.
When it comes to laid-back attitudes to bedtimes, you have to use your judgement. Kids do need less sleep to function well as they get older, and different children, just like adults need different amounts of sleep. So you just have to weigh up what yours need: it'll be obvious if they're not coping because they're tired. And if they are obviously tired because they're going to bed too late, then you'd have to ask, is this being fair?
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