The best sleep advice you've never heard

by Catherine Guthrie

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." – Leo J. Burke.

Ah, blessed, luxurious sleep ... remember what it was like to get eight uninterrupted hours a night? If you have young children, it probably seems like a distant memory. According to a National Sleep Foundation poll, up to 69 percent of kids age 10 and under have some type of sleep problem. As for the other 31 percent – what's their secret? We turned to leading childhood sleep experts to uncover some surprising strategies that really work.

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Babies: Sleep deprivation 101

Although newborns actually sleep for 16 to 17 hours a day, they do it in maddeningly short bursts around the clock. Here's how to get your little one to put in a few of those hours (preferably in a row) during the night.

Put your baby to bed when she's drowsy, not fast asleep

This is a tall order, especially for breastfeeding moms, but master the timing and you'll score some much-needed time in the sack. Babies who drift off on their own are more likely to fall asleep quickly and learn how to soothe themselves to sleep more easily, says Kim West, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight. West is a social worker in Annapolis, Maryland, as well as a professional sleep consultant who has helped more than 2,000 families nationwide soothe troubled sleepers.

Here's her advice: Starting when your newborn is 6 to 8 weeks old, create a sleepiness scale from 1 to 10. (One is full throttle and 10 is out cold.) Wait until your baby hits 7 or 8, then lay her down to sleep. Less arm and leg movement along with diminished sucking power (from nourishing to soothing) are both reliable signs she's nearing dreamland.

Try not to look your baby in the eye

Many babies are easily stimulated. A loving look from you can take your baby from tired to wired faster than you can say, "uh oh." Seeing your baby brighten at your glance is heartwarming at noon and discouraging at midnight.

Parents who make eye contact with sleepy babies inadvertently encourage them to snap out of their sleep zone, says Claire Lerner, director of parent education at Zero to Three, a nonprofit that promotes the health of infants and toddlers. "The more interaction that takes place between you and your baby during the night, the more motivation he has to get up."

So what should you do instead? Lerner suggests keeping it low-key. If you must enter your baby's sleep space at night, don't hold his gaze, chitchat, or serenade him with your favorite Rolling Stones hit. Keep your gaze on his belly and soothe him back to sleep with a soft voice and gentle touch.

Win her over to the dark side

"Lights push your child's biological 'go' button," says Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution. On the flip side, darkness triggers the brain to release melatonin, a key sleep hormone.

If your baby sleeps more during the day than at night, help her learn the difference. During the day, allow plenty of sunlight into the house or take her outside. Put your baby down for daytime naps in well-lighted rooms (unless she has trouble with naps).

To induce nighttime sleepiness, consider installing dimmers on the lights not only in your baby's room, but also in other rooms where you both spend a lot of time. Lower the lights in the evening (up to two hours before bedtime) to set the mood.

A nightlight in her room is okay, but choose a small, dim one with a bluish tone that's cool to the touch. (The vivid yellow and bright white varieties are more stimulating.)

If your child wakes up during the night, don't turn on the lights or carry her into a brightly lighted room. The shift from dark to light tells her brain it's time to rise and shine. Instead, soothe her back to sleep in her bedroom. If early morning sunlight prompts your child to wake too early or if she has trouble napping in the afternoon, install room-darkening shades.

Cut your tie to the baby monitor

A mom who jumps at every squeak transmitted over the baby monitor will teach her child to wake up more often, says Pantley. Instead, time your entrance so that you go to your child between the moment you know for sure he's awake and the moment he escalates into a full-blown howl. Waiting a few minutes gives him a chance to soothe himself back to sleep. And stepping in before a meltdown means you'll catch him before he's too worked up to fall back asleep.

Either way, it's okay to turn down the sensitivity on your baby monitor. Set the volume so you'll hear him when he's distressed, but you won't be privy to every gurgle. Eventually you may just want to turn the thing off.

Relax the rules on diaper changes

Resist the urge to change your baby every time she wakes up – you'll just jostle her awake even more. Instead, dress your baby in a high-quality, nighttime diaper at bedtime, says Pantley. When she wakes up, sniff to see if it's soiled and change only if you must. For sleepy nighttime changes, nothing wakes a baby faster than a cold, wet wipe. Try using a warm washcloth instead.

Toddlers and preschoolers: Just when you thought it couldn't get worse

It's hard to believe, but by the time your child celebrates his second birthday, he will have spent more time asleep than awake. On average, toddlers sleep 12 to 14 hours a day, including naps. (Preschoolers do fine on 11 to 13 hours.)

Don't be alarmed if your child vetoes the two-nap routine. Around 18 months, it's not unusual for a child to switch himself from two naps to one. But cutting his siestas in half means nighttime sleep gets promoted to highest priority.

Keep the sleep routine short and sweet

An elaborate, multifaceted variety show – a bath, three books, two songs, and a back rub – can stretch on indefinitely. "Before you know it, your well-intentioned sleep routine turns from transition time to playtime for your child," says Mary Ann LoFrumento, a pediatrician and author of Simply Parenting: Understanding Your Newborn and Infant. If your child fights bedtime, just keep the focus on sleep and don't let her call the shots.

LoFrumento suggests that parents of troubled sleepers keep the post-bath routine no longer than 15 minutes. (Longer is fine if your child falls asleep easily.) Fifteen minutes should be all it takes to put on pajamas, read two short books, and say goodnight, she says.

Connect the dots

"One of the biggest mistakes parents make is not connecting a child's sleep and his daytime behavior," says Pantley. She attributes many of the behaviors labeled as terrible twos to signs of sleep deprivation. "Fussiness, whininess, fighting with siblings – all have their root in the lack of a good night's sleep." Her advice? Move up bedtime. (See our next tip, "Take back the night.")

Take back the night

Exert control and set an early bedtime, preferably between 7 and 8 p.m., Pantley says. "These kids aren't looking at the clock to see what time it is. They're simply waiting for someone to tell them it's time for bed." So pick a time and stick to it.

Practice climate control

Sure, 76 degrees Fahrenheit sounds comfy for a bedroom. And that may be true – when you're awake. But the ideal sleeping temperature is cool and comfortable. That's because sleep follows on the heels of a sharp drop in body temperature, which is also why a bath before bed helps kids nod off faster. The bath gets your child nice and toasty and then the cool room makes her body temperature drop, bringing on sleepiness.

So, nudge the thermostat down at least an hour before bedtime. If you're forgetful, install an automatic thermostat. Program it to drop in the evening and rise in the morning, and your child just might follow suit.

Set the stage

While you're at it, create a good sleep environment – a room that's not only cool, but dark and quiet – to promote good sleep. Kim West recommends using soothing colors in your child's room and keeping distractions, such as mobiles, out of your baby's crib.

If your baby is sensitive to sound and light, try a white noise machine and room-darkening shades. Having a comfy spot in your child's room to read and cuddle before bed is soothing for your baby and helps her make the transition to sleep.

Wake kids at the same time every day

A consistent wake-up routine is just as important as a regular bedtime. Children should get up at roughly the same time every day (give or take 30 minutes). Fight the urge to let them sleep in on weekends, says Pantley. "What we are doing is asking our children to live in two different time zones – a weekday zone and a weekend zone," she says. "As a result, they get perpetual jet lag."

Just because kids don't benefit from a little extra shut-eye on the weekends doesn't mean you won't. If weekend mornings are your only time to make up lost sleep, trade morning duty with your partner so that your child stays on track.

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