Sleepless nights - you're going to have a few. But don't despair, there are ways to cope

Tired much? You're not alone!

If you're feeling so exhausted you don't know what to do with yourself, our survival plan will give you some great tips on how to get through it.

The first time I was left alone in hospital to feed my new baby I started to cry tears of disbelief. Was I really expected to look after this helpless little baby when I'd had no sleep for 18 hours and felt like I'd been run over by a bus? I'd probably been warned about feeling like this, but didn't take it in as I'd been so worried about the labour and birth.

By breakfast time I was disorientated by lack of sleep, tearful and desperate to go home. The truth is I was totally unprepared for the devastating effects of sleep deprivation. Like most pregnant women I couldn't really believe it could be that bad surely all those other mums were exaggerating?

What does sleep deprivation feel like?

'New parents are shocked by how bad they actually feel when their sleep is disrupted,' says baby health nurse Jackie Walsh. 'They think they can have a newborn baby and carry on doing all the things they used to do like cook, shop, see friends, look after other children and clean the house. All on no sleep. But it just isn't possible sooner or later it catches up with you. If you carry on at that rate you're going to come crashing down.'

Sleep deprivation soon starts to impact on your physical and emotional wellbeing and you'll feel tired, fatigued, disorientated, irritable, tearful and physically unwell.

'I see mums about six weeks after the birth, and this is when sleep loss starts to have an impact,' says Jackie. 'Their partner has gone back to work, offers of help have dried up and the cumulative effects of sleep loss has made them feel utterly exhausted.'

How sleep deprivation can make you feel

Disorientated - Sleep deprivation is used by torturers. You might not know what time it is or even what day of the week it is.

Tired and fatigued - You'll have no energy and everything you do will feel like a huge effort.

Uncoordinated - You may find driving and tasks that require concentration difficult and be more prone to accidents.

Emotional, tearful and irritable - You tend to get things out of proportion when you're not getting any sleep, dissolve into tears at the drop of a hat and snap your partner's head off with the minimum provocation.

Loss of sex drive - You tend to be obsessed by going to bed but only for sleeping! Sex is the last thing on your mind.

Why do you feel so awful?

Experiments with soldiers who were woken in different phases of sleep found those woken in either light or deep sleep were able to function well the next day, but those who were woken in dream sleep were jittery and disorientated.

'If you are woken by your baby crying while you're in dream sleep you wake up suddenly without going through all the sleep levels as if from the depths of the ocean. This can make you disorientated, irritable and shaky,' Dr Wilson says. 'Your baby won't feel like that though because he's woken naturally and been in a light sleep.'

NO-SLEEP SURVIVAL TIPS:::

1. Take a nap

Make the most of the time your baby sleeps and get some sleep yourself.

2. Go to bed early

If you can't nap during the day, go to bed early, let your partner look after the baby when he arrives home from work and get a good chunk of sleep in before night-time. That way you'll be able to cope better with the night feeds.

3. Prioritise

Make a list of everything you need to do in the day and then prioritise, choosing three or four things to concentrate on, so you don't get overtired.

4. Accept offers of help

You know you'd do the same for other people so get mums to drop your older children at playgroup for you, let your mum do the ironing, or ask a friend to take your baby out for a walk while you nap. Just concentrate on feeding your little one, getting enough sleep and looking after yourself.

5. Devote some time to yourself

You need at least 20 minutes to half an hour a day for yourself. Choose what you want to do read a magazine, catch up on your favourite soap or soak in the bath. Just give yourself a breather.

6. Don't forget to eat well

Resist the temptation to snack on chocolate, caffeine or sugary drinks they'll give you a temporary high, but you'll soon come crashing down. Snack on healthy carbohydrates such as wholemeal toast, bananas and sandwiches, which will release energy slowly through the day. Iron deficiency anaemia is common after childbirth, so eat iron-rich foods such as red meat and leafy green vegetables to combat this.

How to cope at work

You may have got through the newborn phase but how do you cope with broken nights when you're back at work? You can ask your manager if there's an unoccupied office (or sick room) where you could lie down and take a power nap. If you normally drive to work, leave the car at home and take the train so you can sleep on the journey. Cut back on any socialising after work and catch up on sleep at weekends (take it in turns with your partner). All these suggestions might sound a bit drastic, but they all work as short-term survival tactics.

What if your relationship is suffering?

One of the first casualties of sleep deprivation can be your relationship you're both tired and irritable and you'll snap at each other just because you can. You're too tired for sex and barely have a conversation, so you may start wondering what happened to the happy couple you once were and whether you'll ever feel the same again.

'Be honest with your partner about how you're feeling, explain how tired you are, and that way you'll stop resentment building up,' says Jackie. 'Having no sleep is difficult for your partner, too, so it can be a big stress for your relationship. You need to sit down together, have a cuddle, talk and watch TV with a glass of wine just spend some time together and this will help you get back to the couple you were.'

If you're too tired for sex, say so that way your partner won't feel rejected and left out by you and the baby. Explain that you're sure your sex drive will return when you get more sleep or suggest going to bed one afternoon at the weekend when your baby's asleep.

Remember this is just a few months out of your life and it won't always be like this one day you'll have teenagers that you have to kick out of bed!

INSTANT PICK-ME-UPS

1. Get some exercise

It's hard to believe, but exercise can actually increase your energy levels and release the body's feel-good hormones, endorphins. Try a 30-minute swim or a brisk walk in the park.

2. Whiz up a smoothie

Resist caffeine and opt for a healthy fruit drink watermelon is great for boosting your immunity (you're often more prone to infections when you're tired and run down).

3. Have a massage

Get your partner to massage you with some reviving essential oils such as mandarin (mix with a carrier oil before applying).

4. Have a power shower

An invigorating shower gel can help to wake you up in the morning. Or if it's the end of the day unwind in a warm lavender bath to help you relax.

5. Essential oils

Burn essential oils of jasmine, lemon, lime or grapefruit to invigorate you.

The dos and don'ts of good sleep

-1) Do power nap when your baby is asleep during the day even a short nap can perk you up no end.

-2) Don't nap for too long though as you'll feel groggy and it could interfere with your sleep at night time.

- 3)Do get your partner to share some of the load. Yes, he's got work in the morning, but you can't go on indefinitely doing everything yourself. Let him give your baby a late night bottle of expressed milk so you can go to bed early and get a good chunk of sleep before you're woken in the night.

-4) Do invest in blackout blinds (they come in nice colours, too). They'll block out the daylight and let you and your baby sleep better during the day.

- 5)Don't rely on alcohol to give you a boost, whilst it will relax you initially and help you to fall asleep faster, it will also disrupt sleep that ensues, particularly deep sleep in the second half of the night.

Getting back to sleep

You've been up for an hour feeding your baby and feel wide awake, how do you nod off again?

1. Make yourself a milky drink

Milk contains tryptophan, which can help induce sleep.

2. Spray your pillow with lavender

The scent of lavender can help you drop off.

3. Don't get stressed about it

Worrying about not being able to sleep can make things worse, so try some of the deep relaxation exercises you learnt in pregnancy.

4. Get into the habit of napping

After a few weeks of being woken repeatedly, you'll soon want to grab any sleep you can and you'll find you can get straight back to sleep in minutes.

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