(2015年12月28日)
【巴格達迪失信穆斯林 煽動聖戰慘遭調侃】
極端組織「伊斯蘭國」（ISIS）頭目巴格達迪曾被曝在一次美軍空襲中被擊中身亡。然而，近日他又突然出現，並發視頻呼籲「聖戰」。但意外的是卻遭到穆斯林網民的集體調侃。
巴格達迪呼籲「聖戰」適得其反
綜合媒體12月28日報道，極端組織「伊斯蘭國」（ISIS）12月26日公開了一段據稱為該組織首領巴格達迪（Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi）的錄音。在這段長達24分鐘的錄音中，巴格達迪自稱「伊斯蘭國」一切尚好，來自美俄等國的空襲只會增強其追隨者的決心。
巴格達迪在錄音講話中聲稱，他「萬分迫切地號召每一位穆斯林，尤其是生活在沙烏地阿拉伯的穆斯林門站出來，投身到『聖戰』當中去」。
錄音公布之後，一位知名博主伊亞德 ( Iliade Baghdadi )在其推特上將錄音的部分翻譯成英文內容發布了到推特上。其中巴格達迪「迫切號召」所有穆斯林投身「聖戰」的這條推文迅速得到了穆斯林網民們的「熱烈回應」。
一名叫做Anjum Rauf Meer的網民模仿巴格達迪的語氣提議道，他「萬分迫切地號召每一位穆斯林來一塊嘲諷巴格達迪和『伊斯蘭國』的那群傻X」。
他的提議馬上引來各路網友的回覆。一開始發布這條推文的伊亞德也樂得順水推舟，隨即表示會轉推幾條他覺得比較搞笑的來自穆斯林網友的回覆。
以下是穆斯林網友們的神回復時間：
@leannascarlet：親，抱歉，我媽不讓我去。
@guidanceofgod：我老爸要我每天8點之前回家，你看成不。
@documaraftab：抱歉太晚看到這條，要不下周吧？
@CynicalThor：不了，下周又要開學了。
@WaynoSoCal：我的護照被狗吃了。
@ShireenShaib：花痴One Direction中，沒空。
@TheMiinz：正在Netflix上看片，忙。
@MohsinArain91：不好意思，在看到下一部星戰電影前我還不想死。
@SalmanSoz：正跟家人過聖誕假期呢，滾粗。
@anjum_meer：開玩笑吧你？我還等著看萊切斯特城奪冠呢!
@alfxy：等利物浦把聯賽跟歐冠都搞定之後我會考慮下。
據悉，這位伊亞德是一名阿聯作家、自由派社會活動家，以及中東地區民運的熱烈支持者。在2014年，他被阿聯當局驅逐出境，目前在挪威居住和生活。
此外，觀察者指出，「伊斯蘭國」長期以來的襲擊平民、發動暴力等殘酷行為或已使眾多穆斯林開始醒悟。罪惡就是罪惡，即便一時批上華麗的外衣，遲早也會暴露本質。比起外部武力打擊，或許穆斯林的內部瓦解才是極端組織最大的敵人。
『Maybe next week?』 Muslims troll ISIS』 『urgent』 call to arms on twitter
In a glaring rejection of Islamic State’s perverted vision of Islam, Muslims around the world have been mocking its call to arms with a barrage of hilarious comments since the terror group urged believers to 「urgently」 join the so-called 「caliphate.」
In an audio message allegedly recorded by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the self-proclaimed 「caliph」 of Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL), the terror leader spent some 24-minutes trying to convince its members that the group is feeling 「better than ever」 under increasing pressure from Russia and US-led airstrikes.
Constant bombings and a fire storm from above has only 「toughened」 the organization and helped cleanse it of those unworthy, he claimed. However, apparently suffering severe human resource losses, he called upon Muslims around the globe to 「urgently」 join the terror group’s cause and become new recruits.
Quite predictably, it turned out that Muslims across the globe have many more exciting and urgent things to do. Rejecting the message IS has been attempting to spread and demonstrating that an overwhelming majority of Muslims follow Islam peacefully, hundreds laughed at Baghdadi’s message on social media.
An Emirati activist, Iyad el-Baghdadi, ironically also bearing the notorious name, received hundreds of funny and sarcastic responses after translating the terror group’s plea.
Some cited travel restrictions and busy airports during the holiday season as reasons they couldn』t leave for Syria or Iraq right away.
Others said that joining a group of lunatics was a low priority for them compared to watching TV series on Netflix or going to the movies to check out the new episode of Star Wars.
Reluctance to miss football matches or watch the UEFA Champions League final were other popular reasons to pass on the invitation.
Some people wondered if IS could help them sort out urgent tasks first.
Authoritarian parents and college classes were also among the obstacles preventing potential recruits from rushing to join the 「murderous psychopaths.」
A sink full of unwashed dishes and taking a pet to a vet, along with other small chores and errands, forced others to take a rain check and wonder if the offer would still be valid 「next week.」
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